Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
