god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
