Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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