I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
