i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just found puke in my bra..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
