his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
