cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
