is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
bring money and cleavage
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
