Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ttyl tear gas
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
