She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
