i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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