just come out here and I will go home with you...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it was like eating out sand paper
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
