forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
