his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
