I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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