every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
