somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
