The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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