hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
