There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
