Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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