put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
