Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
