No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
