I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
