What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
