Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Houston, we have a squirter
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize