they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
