so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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