I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
