So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
