@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
