I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That accounts for only three of the penises
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
