She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
