Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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