well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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