Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
