my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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