My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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