This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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