Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
