I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
