Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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