using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
