It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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