My girlfriend figured out who you are.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
