AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
