You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We just shotgunned beers for America
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
