You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
someone owes me an orgasm
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize