You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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