I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
