i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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