what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
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Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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