remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
