dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
