Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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