i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
