so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
