I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
