Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
