Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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