we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
