Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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