Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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