I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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