I look better un-naked...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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