I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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