You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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