Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
