So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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