She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Me too!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
