Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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