i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im having a threesome with these popsicles
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Operation Purity has been aborted
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
