i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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