I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
