I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
