I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
barbara walters just said penis...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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