I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
