I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you made out with another girl for some wings
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
