You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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