A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
