I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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