Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
