Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
