dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
