Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize