I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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